The Days of March

I realized tonight that it has been a month since I last blogged. Pitiful....p-i-t-i-f-u-l. I've been too busy living life this past month to actually write about it. It's been a super busy, exciting, and sometimes draining month. So, in an effort to put something fresh on the blog because I'm tired of looking at what I wrote a month ago, and to maybe jump-start my brain to say something new, here's a quick update of what March has involved.

LIFE Ministries began. Randy and I are enjoying working together so much and seeing all of the pieces of this dream God has given to us come together. We have worked so very hard, and have many busy months ahead, but we are energized as God gives us a vision to pursue. There is the exciting part of the early days of this new ministry, and we are blessed to have wonderful people sharing our dream and supporting us along the way. There's also the heartbreaking part as we talk with people almost daily in desperately hurting marriages. The enemy is relentless in his desire to destroy marriages that have reflected the heart of God in the past. We desire to offer hope and encouragement and support...but we hurt for those we love who are in so much pain. So, joy and sadness have filled our month.

We have been eagerly working on finishing our marriage book this month. There's a little more work to be done, but we hope to have it completed and in print by our LIFE Ministries Launch Banquet on April 30th. Keeping our fingers crossed!!!

We got to spend several days with my sister, her husband, and baby girl! It's so much fun to have 2 babies in the house! We love when they get to come to visit!

We spend last week in Florida visiting Randy's parents for our Spring Break. It was great to get away and enjoy some time with them. The weather stunk for the most part (in reality it didn't really stink - but it wasn't typical Florida weather which meant not much swimming), which was a bummer, and we had various illnesses between our boys, but we still had a good week away from the grind of work and school, and that was refreshing.

Sickness. There's been a lot of that over the last few weeks. Between 3 children we've had strep throat, ear infection, croup, vomit, fever, more vomit, terrible coughing, and more vomit. We're hoping that April brings good health for us all. We paid our dues this month!

And now we're down to just a few more days of this month. April will bring lots of activity and some fun times that we're looking forward to...Caleb's 8th Birthday, celebrating the resurrection of Christ, completing our book, preparing for and experiencing our LIFE Launch Banquet, a trip for me to GA to see Beth Moore with some girlfriends, and many more things I can't think of right now. Can't wait!

One of these days I'm going to do better about posting pics of the family...but that's not today!

Hitting the Wall

After an exciting, crazy, busy month of preparing for the launch of LIFE Ministries next Monday (oh my word, next Monday!!), caring for a 4 month old and making some transitions in his feeding, taking care of a very active 4 1/2 year old, and walking through all of the complexities of being an almost 8 year old in a not so nice world, I am EXHAUSTED! Let me say it again... EXHAUSTED!!! So tired this morning that I feel like I can barely put one foot in front of the other. So, I'm trying to slow it down today. Maybe no shower. I might not even brush my teeth... at least for a little while. I know...gross...but it would take so much effort right now. :-) I've got to take care of a sick little Brennan. And walk through the joys and confusion of figuring out what is making little Asher's world turn today. My to-do list would fill up a legal pad right now, but I gotta take a day and just chill a little bit. I am pooped! Praying for God to restore me physically. Praying for my mind to rest. Praying for my body to relax. I'm so excited about the new beginning that next week brings for me and Randy. We will continue doing much of the same work we've been doing, but there are also new ideas and new plans that God is bringing to us. So, even though I feel like I might not make it up the stairs in my house today without needing to lay down at the top, my mind and spirit are filled with joy and anticipation about what God is up to.

On another note, my sweet husband is blogging again after a 3 month break. Randy has a gift with sharing his heart and God's heart in him through writing. His new blog address is www.lifeministriesnow.blogspot.com. Check it out!

Things I'm learning

Well, a mild stomach bug has been making its way through our home over the last week, and I'm the current recipient of the bug. I had planned to make it to church this morning, but when I wasn't sure I was going to keep my breakfast down, I decided that was a bad idea... for me and for everybody there. So, I spent some time in the word courtesy of my Breaking Free Session 7 video with Beth Moore. These are a few things God spoke to me today through the study, that might be for someone else along with me...

Our passion will be birthed from our pain. As much as I hate the truth of that...because that means I will go through pain that I don't want to go through...I know it's true. I am passionate for things that I never would have been without the pain that I've experienced.

Self-protection is the #1 way we can work ourselves out of our callings. Whoa! I have a deep appreciation for self-protection. Have I missed part of my calling because I've protected myself from the very thing it would have been birthed from? This statement will have me thinking for days to come.

In our culture, irritation has been redefined as tribulation. How true... how many things consume my mind and emotions and feel so huge that are actually just irritations of living on this planet, with broken human beings. I can't let the irritating things that we all face on a daily basis steal away my joy or my focus to serve Christ... isn't that exactly what Satan wants?

God wants to clean the impurities that are deep within me... the unhealthy, impure, immature, handicapped places...He will allow me to go through things that will draw those impurities to the surface, so He can deal with them, free me from them, and make me healthier and more whole. Praise God that He is always at work within me to continue to clean, heal, restore, and make me more into His image. The very things I struggle through are the situations He's using to make me more like Christ. Embrace them. He's not done with me!!! Hallelujah!

I was led to listen to some Steven Curtis Chapman songs following my Bible study time, and I ran across this song... the lyrics to the chorus of "Much of You" are my prayer today...

I want to make much of You Jesus
I want to make much of Your love
I want to live today to give You the praise
That You alone are so worthy of
I want to make much of Your mercy
I want to make much of Your cross
I give You my life
Take it and let it be used
To make much of You

I am grateful that God is working in me every single day even through circumstances that seem to have no good to come from them... to make me into His reflection. He has a long way to go and His work is cut out for Him, but thankfully He knows that, and He's not giving up! I want to make much of Him today....and every day...


BTW, breakfast stayed down... Yea!

Frustration.... and some Pictures!

Well, after hours of trying to get videos loaded onto here, to no avail, I have given up on that for now and I am putting up some pictures to enjoy. I hope to figure out the video thing, but after hours of my computer sitting and doing nothing but saying it was doing something with no results, I have given up. So, here are the Hempboys!

Caleb at school last week in PE - Square Dancing!!!















Caleb & his dance partner, Sally, getting their groove on at the square dance.















My 3 sons... how sweet. This picture was taken on the first Sunday that Asher went to church.















Caleb & Brennan being goobers.














Brennan rocking his tobaggan!




















Asher...just being cute!




















Asher sitting in his Bumbo seat for the first time.




















Asher playing in the Megasaucer for the first time... oh the memories of C & B in that thing! Check out his hair - it all stands straight up every day!














February 6th - Asher's 4 month birthday




















I so wish I could include the videos... Caleb dancing, Brennan singing at his school's Muffins for Moms program, and Asher "talking" to Brennan one day. I think my files just may be too big, so maybe I'll figure out something else with them.

We had some snow today... it was fun, but sadly, the snow has stopped and now the yard is just a mess. But the boys got some playtime and Asher went out for a few minutes for pictures... but that was after I downloaded all of the others, so those pics will come soon. I can only handle so much at one time...

Well, I'm missing Opening Ceremonies so I have got to get back to that. This post only took half of my day... and there's not that much to show for it. Must be why I don't blog more!

LIFE

Where to begin? When you have a couple of weeks away from blogging, it feels a little overwhelming when you return to it to know where to start. Mine and Randy's lives have taken a major turn in January, and there's been so many things going on, that I've just not had the time to even sit down and write about any of it. Even though my to-do list is a mile long, I'm taking a few minutes to sit down here and try to start getting caught up. Besides the major life transitions, there's some things related to the boys I want to share too. So, guess I'll be doing a lot of posts (hopefully) to get caught up to present day life!

The major transition that God blew us away with in January is that we are starting a brand new ministry of our own called LIFE Ministries. We have been serving with dear friends over the last 2 1/2 years with a ministry called Encounter, but God decided it was time to shake us up a bit, and push us out of our comfortable boat and into the water on our own. We are super excited as we begin to plan and dream and follow God in this journey. We will be doing very similar ministry to what we have been doing with marriages, men, and women, but this also will open up new opportunities for us that we haven't even begun to dream about. We will taking the month of February to transition and prepare, and we will launch LIFE on March 1st. To say the we have a few things to do would be a major understatement. But even the parts of this that seem overwhelming are things we are enjoying because we feel such peace as we are moving forward. As a friend said to us a few days ago, "God must be all over this, because this is just crazy!" We agree! It is pretty nuts, but God has been all over it from the beginning, so we're stepping out in faith and obedience, and letting Him show us what's next. We could not do this without the prayers and support of our friends and families and we are so grateful to not be doing this all alone. We can't wait to see what God wants to do with this. I'll update as we take the next steps.

I hope to get back on here in the next day or so to share new pictures of Asher at 4 months - which he turns today, and some video of Caleb square dancing at school - so sweet! And I'll throw in some of Brennan just being himself, which is funny enough!

One more thing... if you read this blog, click the "follow" button over there on the right. I'd love to know who is following our life and ministry. Thanks!

Jesus is LIFE!

17 Years Ago

Today is a very special day, because it marks the 17 year anniversary of the day I met my wonderful husband Randy. We were the very young age of 18 when we met on our way to a Baptist Student Union retreat with a group of students from Campbell University in Buies Creek, NC. Funny how when we got onto the school vans that day we had no clue that we'd meet the person we'd spend the rest of our lives with. I still remember what I was wearing that day... nothing special, but I remember. On our way to the location of the retreat, where we slept on church floors (ouch!), we stopped at someone's parent's house to eat, and that's where we met. Near a pool table I believe. He and his roommate and me and my roommate. And a friendship began. The four of us hit it off and ended up spending most of the retreat together. We had some hilarious times that weekend. Shannon and I returned back to school thinking that we had met our 2 newest best friends... and how excited we were to think they weren't interested in anything but friendship! I pictured all of the fun things we'd all do together, and was relieved that there was no pressure to date.

Well, we girls were mistaken. It didn't take long for Randy and his roommate to make their move. Funny thing was that they indicated that either one of them would be interested in going out with either one of us. How's that for romantic? A hilarious week ensued, and fortunately for me, Randy and I ended up going out that following Friday, January 29th on our first date. And I fell asleep. But only because I was so exhausted from hanging out with him all week already! We ate Chinese food. We went to see "A Few Good Men" (where I fell asleep). We rode in Randy's old truck that sounded more like an airplane than a vehicle...we had to yell to talk to each other in it! And six weeks later we were talking about the possibility of getting married one day.

Oh, how young and silly we were. But there's something very sweet and innocent about those days. Our entire adult lives were ahead of us. We had dreams for the future and we wanted to spend that future together. We had no idea what lay ahead. And we still don't. But God blessed me beyond words that January 22nd, 17 years ago, when we gave me the honor of meeting such a wonderful man. I love Randy with all of my heart. I certainly don't deserve the beautiful life and marriage that we share. He is a Godly man, who loves the Lord more than anything, and spends each day serving me and his 3 sons. I am humbled that God chose someone so special for me. I wouldn't want to live a day without him.

Randy, I can't adequately express to you how thankful to God I am that 17 years ago I began this journey with you. You are simply wonderful. In every way. You make me laugh. You make me feel safe. You love me well. You love our boys well. Happy "Beginnings" Anniversary! We've only just begun to live the life God has called us to. I am so thankful that you are the person I will share it with. Thank you for being you...I love you always.

(Picture is from our 13th Anniversary, June 2008 - not 17 years ago. Picture from back then would have involved bigger hair and big glasses. Not so pretty!)

What God Has Done

God has done so much for me. I don't even know how to adequately describe all that He has done. He has saved me from eternal separation from Himself. He has saved me from myself. He has saved me from much of what this world has to offer. I am overwhelmed today by His saving mercy. Almost 9 years ago, I started down a path of complete destruction. I veered off the path of following Christ, and began following my own wants and desires in order to fill an emptiness within... places unhealed. And I ended up so far down in a pit of destruction that I saw no way to ever get out, much less be healthy or whole. I wanted my life to end, because it no longer had any value in my eyes. And the pain of the life I made for myself was almost unbearable. And then Jesus came. Wow. Even typing those words, I can once again feel the depth of His embrace of me in my darkest, most painful hour. He came... for me. And pulled me up out of the pit of darkness and despair. And every day, every hour, oftentimes every minute, He reminded me of His love for me and of my value to Him. How overwhelming. I had nothing to offer, and found out that He knew that already, and wasn't needing me to offer anything anyway. I was desperate for His grace, and He gave it in abundance. I was desperate for His mercy, and it was vast. I was desperate for Him to heal me, and He cleansed every wound. I was desperate to be whole, and He filled me to overflowing.

That process with Him began 6 years ago this month. My life has not been easy during that time... MUCH transition, much loss, much seeking, but He continues to come. My walk with Him has had some of the most beautiful times I have ever known. And there have been days when I didn't know how to complete a sentence in prayer. But I stand amazed in His presence this morning... longing for more of Him, longing for His touch, His presence, His peace to fill my heart, His vision for my life. I long to know Him, and to share Him with others. I long to be a voice that cries out of His grace and mercy, so that others may know and believe that it is available to them too. I long to fill His tender embrace today, and to offer it to my husband, my children, and to anyone I can.

Jesus is enough. He is enough for our pain, for our fears, for our questions. He came to heal us. By HIS wounds we are healed, the scripture says. He came to make us free. I choose freedom. It is mine, and I feel it to my bones today. I want to become ever-more free as I walk with Him.

De-Clutter

This past Saturday was spent in de-clutter mode. We had been home a week from traveling to NC after Christmas, but still had Christmas decorations up, suitcases and other stuff to unpack, and other clutter all over the house. You couldn't even see the floor of our garage. It was a mess. I was threatening to go live somewhere else until the clutter went away. And I was overwhelmed. I hate clutter. I don't function well in it. I can't think clearly. And I easily feel like it's too much to deal with. So, for days we had tried to pretend the clutter wasn't there. Then Saturday came - our day to de-clutter. And clean after the de-cluttering. I felt overwhelmed about it all. But Randy assured me we could get it done. So, we began. And a few hours into it, I started to believe we might actually make some headway. Christmas decorations down. Check. Suitcase unpacked. Check. Laundry put away. Check. Randy clearing garage floor. Check. Vacuuming. Check. And on it went. And by Saturday night, I was loving where I live again, and feeling mentally free. The clutter was gone. Trash bags were filled with things to get rid of. Donations were made to a local charity. I didn't feel overwhelmed anymore. It was great.

It got me thinking about myself. How much clutter fills me and distracts or distances me from God? My guess is that it's a lot more than I usually realize. But at the same time, I often feel it, and get frustrated at why I don't feel closer to God, more connected to Him, more intimate in my walk with Him. And then I see it... the clutter. The to-do lists running through my head, the expectations I put on myself to be and do certain things as a wife, mom, & minister, mindless television, fear, pride, insecurity, busyness, etc., etc. The clutter of my life. And with all of that clutter, I miss out on true LIFE. The life I want and long for. Not just getting through the day life, but the real, true abundant life promised to me by a loving, merciful God. So, I must not only de-clutter what I can see around me, but ask God to de-clutter the internal parts of who I am. I know He's not overwhelmed by the task, but I also realize that He will have to do what I had to do Saturday... get rid of stuff. And that often hurts - at least temporarily. The things that I so come to depend on that feel comfortable to me can often be the things that keep me from having all that He desires for me.

I want to be de-cluttered. I am scared to be de-cluttered. But I need it. So I ask God to de-clutter me. Get rid of what keeps me from all that you have for me. Fill me with You. Fill me with You. Fill me with You.

Breaking Free!

I just started the updated Bible study Breaking Free this morning by Beth Moore, and I am really excited about the journey ahead. I did the original Breaking Free many years ago, but much has happened in my own life in those years and I am excited to hear it once again and let God speak to me about places in my life that are in bondage... those I may be aware of and those that I have no clue about. God set me free from a period of sin 6 years ago, and 3 years ago He asked me to start sharing that freedom with others. It has been a roller coaster as I've tried to follow Him in that, but I have seen Him use my story and my healing to encourage others. But with that desire to share and be open and encourage others, also comes attack and oppression from the enemy. I felt that intensely all of last year, and couldn't shake it. So I am here today to break free from the oppression of the enemy and to be rejuvenated in my walk with God. Last year was a very difficult year for me spiritually, one that brought many questions and frustrations. I am desperate for 2010 to be different. And already 2010 is throwing my life some curveballs. But with those curveballs, also comes a renewed sense of urgency in my walk with Him and a desire to continue proclaiming the message of freedom God has given me, and a desire to pursue freedom even deeper and broader in my own heart and life.

I want freedom.... spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically. I believe with all my heart this will be a lifelong pursuit and journey... I will never arrive at any type of perfection in any of those areas... but I want God to be ever healing and restoring me in ALL areas of my life. I want it. I need it. And I am excited to pursue it this year, once again, fresh and anew. I want to have something to say to people. I want to have something to offer to others. I want my life to count... to make a difference... to offer hope. No waste of anything - good and bad!

Today the journey begins. Give me some freedom!!!

My Sweet Ones

2 days of blogging in a row! it's the christmas miracle!

anyway, before i get too corny, which is totally possible this morning considering that we're living in freezing conditions and my brain feels somewhat frozen, and i've listened to brennan cough for hours now and i'm starting to hear the coughing sounds in my head (poor guy), and i just started dieting and exercising yesterday and my body is in shock, i would like to share some recent pics of our family, and my sweet boys...

Here We Go Again!

Well, it's January 5th, and the start of a new year. I can't really believe that it's a new year - let alone the year 2010. But it is. And here I am, ready to start some things fresh. And one of those things is to maybe blog again. Not sure if I'm committing to it wholeheartedly, but I want to at least give it a try. For some reason I feel very "bloggy".

I think it would be good for me to chronicle some things about my boys lives that I will probably forget in the craziness of living life, and to journal about what God is doing in my life. And, I desperately want to have some things to share in that area... I'm wanting a fresh word from Him this year. I am longing for a deeper, closer walk with Him, and the passion that He gave me several years ago to be reignited. It's been a crazy year and a half... with much of my time and attention and focus being around having children...trying to get pregnant, or grieving the loss of a baby I'll never know this side of heaven, or trying to get pregnant again, giving birth, and presently enjoying the first months of my precious baby boy's life. So, as I put that pregnancy season behind me, I am praying for God to speak some new things into my life and to open doors of opportunity for me to be used by Him in the coming months. I'm still in somewhat of a "baby lock-down" mode since He's such a little guy, and the weather outside is frightful (and the fire is non-existent), but I know I don't have to leave this house for God to do a new work within me, so that is what I'm asking Him for.

So, I'm going to try to blog again - not sure when in the world I'll find time to do it between nursing the baby, the 50 loads of laundry I seem to be doing each week, and the other things on my plate, but hopefully I'll start putting my thoughts, God's work, and my reflections on motherhood down on this computer and see what happens. Even if nobody reads it, it will be for me.

My prayer verse for 2010:

Isaiah 43:19

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.

God, I ask you to do a new thing in me this year. Take the desert places and make a way for You to shine through and be glorified... take the wasteland and let is flow with Your living water. Thank you for what You will do. I love you!

Happy New Year!

You Don't Have to Do This Thing by Yourself...

Just a short thought today that God keeps repeating in my ear...

You Don't Have to Do This Thing by Yourself!!!!

What thing? Well, this thing called the Christian life... walking with God. This faith thing that we try to do by ourselves. This trust thing that we try to do by ourselves. This obedience thing that we try to do by ourselves. We say... "if I just had more faith"... "if I just had more trust"... "if I could just behave and do what I'm supposed to do!"

And to that, the Father says... You Don't Have to Do This By Yourself!!!

God is the author of my faith... the only way I will have complete faith in Him is by His power... not me trying to muster it up.

God is the author of my trust... only through His healing in my life am I able to face my lack of trust head-on, and begin to trust in Him... the One who is worthy of it. He will give it to me!

God is the author of my obedience... only through the Holy Spirit working REAL hard within me each day will I be able to step out in obedience... when I don't know what I'm doing, or what the outcome will be, and where I'm headed. Only through HIS power will I be able to obey. And He has already given me His Spirit... I just have to be willing to listen and to follow.

So, just in case I'm not the only person who struggles with doing this on my own...

You Don't Have to Do This Thing by Yourself!!!
Rest in Him today... let Him do the work... just take His hand and go with it!

Philippians 1:6
Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Happy Birthday Caleb!

Today my baby turns 6 years old. He actually hit the official mark just a few short minutes ago... 6:46am. No one in the house is awake to know that but me. I've slept very little... kind of reminds me of 6 years ago when I was awake in labor all night long. This wasn't that tough, thankfully, but a long night nonetheless. My baby is 6... and he's going to spend this day sick. He started running a fever late last night, and I've spent most of the night listening to him struggle to breathe in the monitor. We'll have to cancel our 2 parties. Not sure what we're going to do with the 3 cakes I baked, or all of the food I've made, or the 70 drinks on ice, or the goody bags for all of his friends that he won't get to see today. But, even without what we'd planned, and how I had anticipated this day being, he's still 6.

I wanted this to be the best birthday he'd ever had. And so there's that part of me just really frustrated that he's going to miss out. But I know that this is also an opportunity for me to demonstrate our family's love for him. And that even in the midst of illness and disappointment, we can choose joy. He's been learning about joy during the month of April. Joy means "choosing to be happy even when things don't go my way." To be honest, I'll be the one who struggles with joy today more than him. I've been the one running like a crazy woman for the last week, and battling my own illness on little sleep, to give him his dream day. But, now's my chance to live out what we've been teaching him over the past 3 weeks. Things aren't going to go our way today. But, we can choose to be joyful in the midst of it. We can make this day as much fun as possible with a high fever and nasty congestion. Because we have each other. Mostly, because we have Jesus. He is enough to give us joy beyond measure. And we will celebrate the last 6 years of his life that have brought me the most joy you can experience on earth.

So, Happy Birthday Caleb! I love you more deeply than I could ever express to you, and you have filled my heart with joy each and every precious day of your life. You will never really understand how God has used you in my life to teach me so much about who He is. You are a blessing, an amazing little boy, and we will celebrate your life today... with 3 cakes!!! I love you!

Joy

It's kind of funny... when I started this blog, I thought at the time that I would try to post something every day. Well, I was pretty delusional that cold winter morning to think that I could come up with a clear thought each day. I'm averaging once a week lately... kind of sad that I am not thinking more clearly than that. But, I have 2 adorable, hilarious, loving little guys that keep me from thinking clearly most of the time. So, today as I cleared out the last 2 1/2 months worth of pictures off of my camera to free up some space for some hopefully adorable Easter pics, I thought I'd share a few pics of those adorable, hilarious, loving little guys... the ones that are sucking my brain cells out daily, but I'm OK with it... they're completely worth losing my mind!

The boys' first snow of their lives... and the world's smallest snowman



















100th day of school... the kids dressed up like they were 100 years old



















Our little Pirate... or Pirick, as he says...















And some of my dearest friends... another source of my joy















Life is good!

Blogging Fun

One of my favorite blogs to read each day is Lysa TerKeurst's blog. She does lots of fun things with her blog, and offers much Biblical insight for the ladies who read there. Today she's doing a Swap & Hop. You can go to her blog, and jump around to lots of other ladies' blogs to get ideas about organization (last week was recipes). So, I'm joining in with a little idea that is not originally mine, but I've used it in the past to help me stay organized. I used to be a very organized person - these days, not so much. One day I will be again... I hope! :-)

Pantyhose/Tights/Knee-Hi's/Trouser Socks Drawer
Instead of having a big pile of all of the above, take ziploc bags and sort and store your pantyhose, tights, knee-hi's, etc. in separate bags with labels on them. For example, all black tights go in a ziploc labeled "black tights". All nude pantyhose go in a ziploc labeled "nude hose". All brown trouser socks go in a drawer labeled "brown trouser socks". You get the idea. So, when you're ready to get dressed in the morning, you're not searching through a big knotted up pile of various colors and textures of nylons. Just hit the right bag, pull out what you need, and you're done. Then line up all of your bags from light colors to dark colors in your drawer, and you can spot what you're looking for quickly.

Hope this idea is helpful for someone today. Since I don't work outside of my home like I used to, I don't wear many of those fabulous ladies undergarments anymore. But when I do, I can easily find them. Many other things I can't find, though. Can't wait to get some new ideas from Lysa's blog today!

Have a wonderful day!
Psalm 130:7
Put your hope in the Lord. For there is faithful love with the Lord and with Him is redemption in abundance.

Experience His faithful love and abundant redemption today!

The Harvest

I love it when God takes a passage of scripture that I've heard multiple times in my life, and He opens my eyes to see it and hear it as if I've never heard it before. That happened to me this past Saturday as I was working through the "Stepping Up" Bible study by Beth Moore. Scripture came alive, and I was so excited and renewed by it, that I could hardly stand it. I preached a mini-sermon of it to Randy when He got home (poor fella), and I have been chewing on it all week. Years ago, Randy actually preached on this same passage on several different occasions, with great visuals I might add, but that may have been the last time that it was before my eyes. And I needed to hear it again. I will try not to preach my mini-sermon here (so I don't have to say "poor you" to you), but I might not be the only person who needed to see this in a fresh way, so here goes...

In Luke 8, Jesus had just shared a parable with the crowds who were following Him, about a farmer who was sowing his seed. Some seed fell on the path, some on the rocks, other seed fell on the thorns, and then seed fell onto the good soil. Then he gave the following explanation:

Luke 8:11-15 11 "This is the meaning of the parable: The seed is the word of God. 12 Those along the path are the ones who hear, and then the devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts, so that they may not believe and be saved. 13 Those on the rock are the ones who receive the word with joy when they hear it, but they have no root. They believe for a while, but in the time of testing they fall away. 14 The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life's worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature. 15 But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop.

I have spent a lot of time in the last few years pondering why believers, namely myself, can hear the Word of God, feel inspired by it, excited about it, and then still struggle so dang much with life, freedom (or lack thereof), inconsistency in our walk with God, etc. Verse 14 just jumped right off the page at me this time. We become choked by life's worries, choked by life's riches, and choked by life's pleasures. I found it so interesting that riches and pleasures were referred to as thorns. The very things that we seek out...more money, more stuff, feeling good, pleasures of the world... they can be the very thorns that choke us and keep us from what God has for us. I will willingly claim to have let the worries of life choke me, keeping me from maturing in my faith and from producing a harvest from the seed thrown onto my life. But, wow... how many times have I let the pursuit of happiness, pleasure, and security, choke me and keep me from maturing in my faith and from producing a harvest. I want to mature. I want the thorns gone. I want God to produce a harvest in my life.

So, as verse 15 says, in order to mature and produce a crop, we must pursue the heart of God, which transforms our heart to reflect His. I must hear the Word... read it, study it, digest it, talk about it with fellow believers. I must retain it... memorize it, digest it, speak it. And I must persevere. I must persevere! When life is tough, I must persevere! When I don't understand God, I must persevere! When I don't like my circumstances, I must persevere! And then God will bring about a harvest in my life. Only then. There's no shortcut.

OK, well I guess I did preach the sermon... (poor you!) But, I think I mainly was preaching it to myself.

James 1:2-6
Consider it PURE JOY, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

I don't want to lack anything. I want my life to produce a harvest. I will persevere.

God Threw My Fear in the Trash

This past Monday night, we got to experience some rough storms for the 2nd time in a week. For some reason, I felt compelled to talk about it all day Monday, to prepare myself somehow from what might happen. Which meant that when Caleb was with me, he heard me mention the possibility of storms several times. If I could do it over, I would have kept my mouth shut, because he didn't need to be alarmed just because I was a little nervous. But, for whatever reason, I brought it up from time to time. My big mouth!!

Well, at bedtime Monday night, Caleb was a little hesitant about going to sleep. He had noticed my concern about the storms, and had seen some of the damage that the previous week's storms had done near his school. So, he said, "Mommy I'm scared. I don't want to go to sleep." So, I said, "Well, let's pray about that because God is in control and there's no need to be afraid." So, we proceeded to pray and ask God to take away Caleb's fears and give him peace so he would sleep all night. We held up our arms in the air and handed the fears to God.

Well, Caleb slept great, and in spite of lots of thunder, lightning, and loud rain, he never made a sound. So, the next morning, he climbed into bed right before we got ready for school, and we asked him if the rain had woken him up. He said, "Yes, but I wasn't afraid. I gave my fears to God, and He took them from me, and just threw them in the trash. So, I wasn't afraid." Very matter of fact. No doubts. God took them, He knew they weren't worth anything, and chunked them in the garbage. Done!!! We were elated. Another reminder of God's grace on our precious boys.

So... a few weeks ago, Brennan reminded us to throw our fears in the potty (Fluoride in the Potty), this week Caleb showed us that God will take that fear and just trash it. We just have to give it to him! I love that sweet little boy! Thank you, Father, for teaching me about you through the eyes and heart of an almost-six-year-old!

Aliens

Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. 1 Peter 2:11 (NIV)

Friends, this world is not your home, so don't make yourselves cozy in it. Don't indulge your ego at the expense of your soul. 1 Peter 2:11 (The Message)

Aliens. I am one. If you are a follower of Christ, then you are one too. Webster's dictionary defines aliens like this: a) belonging or relating to another person, place, or thing; b) differing in nature or character typically to the point of incompatibility.

This world is not my real home. I am here temporarily, and I am not supposed to fit into it. But, that very statement goes against my humanness. I get up every morning and am tempted to live in a way that appears that I think I will be here forever. I work hard to fit into the environments where I find myself, and I desire nothing less for my children. I want to "fit" here. I want my children to "fit" here... with our peers, with the clothes we wear, the activities we do. Most of us can easily remember times when we knew for sure we didn't fit in somewhere... and we hated that feeling. So, we either choose to never put ourselves in those places again, or we try to change and become a person who will most definitely fit there the next time.

But, the Bible calls us "aliens and strangers in the world". I am not supposed to fit here. I am not supposed to spend my days dwelling on everything that is temporary... too busy for God because I'm trying to build up something here on earth. Life is not about stuff. It's not about success. It's not about fitting in. I am supposed to be uncomfortable on this planet. As soon as I start to get real cozy here, I will indulge my ego at the expense of my soul, as The Message says. I will begin to think that being here is all about me, and I will sell my soul to whatever fleeting, temporary pleasure that is placed in front me, and lose out on the REAL life that Jesus came to bring.

When I have visited foreign countries in the past, I have never once tried to pretend I was from there, because I would quickly look like an idiot. I am clearly American, with a hick accent they could barely discern, and I stood out as different. I didn't try to speak the language, because that would be beyond embarrassing. I struggled with the food because it wasn't what I was used to or I was afraid it would make me sick. I looked around my environment in child-like wonder because it was so different from what I call home. I didn't know what anyone around me was saying. I couldn't read anything. I knew I was different. And I was OK with it. I knew I was there temporarily, so I didn't feel pressure to become like them. Isn't that how the believer’s life should be?

Based on Webster's, I live in this world, but in reality, my heart and soul belong to another... to Jesus and to life with Him. My nature should be so different from the world around me that there should be glaring incompatibilities between me and my surroundings. I fear that most of us who believe in Christ, myself included, are not willing to be exposed as incompatible to the world. We so desperately want to belong, that the life we desire eludes us because we are holding onto a life that can never fulfill us. But we're too afraid to let go. What if people think we're weird? What if God wants to use my money for things other than pleasing myself? What if God wants me to share my story with others and people will know the real me? The “what ifs” could go on and on. Christ came to earth to give us vibrant, fulfilling life. But we only get to taste parts of that here. For the fullness of life will come when we are in His physical presence in eternity, where there is no more pain, no more tears, no more fear. But, with Him as our daily companion, abundant life is available to us here on planet earth, but ONLY if we are submitted to Him, and embrace the alien-like nature of our existence here. Jesus himself said it in John 10:10 “I have come that you may have life, and have it to the full.”

I wrestle with the reality of my temporary and eternal existences daily. Sometimes it is clearly in front of my face, other times it's not. But, I'm always wrestling. Always struggling to focus on what really matters. I don’t have all of the answers… my questions continue to mount. But, I want to embrace my status as an Alien. God has placed us here for great purpose…but we can only fulfill that purpose when we view life here as temporary, fight with His power against the draw of our flesh, and pursue a calling greater than ourselves to bring Christ glory.

I am an alien. I hope you are one too. I am so glad that we have each other during our temporary visit here…

Water Weight

I am convinced I have a problem with water weight. On any given day I am certain that I am retaining 5 to 7 pounds of it. I have a love/hate relationship with the scale, as most women do. If it says what I want it to (which is never), then I love it. If it says what I don't want it to say (which is always), I hate it.

Recently, when I weigh myself, I conclude my time on the scale by mentally deducting 5-7 pounds for the water weight that I am convinced is the problem, which leaves me with a final weight that I can live with. I used to think that this problem only occurred at certain times of the month, but I have changed my thinking on that. Because no matter what time of the month it is, I am having this same problem with the 5-7 pounds. Thus, water weight is a month-long, and year-long problem. There's no way to trace the 5-7 pounds back to the fried food I ate last night, the cookies I ate the last two nights, or the giant blobs of cool whip that I put in the top of every cup of coffee that I drink. Because the cool whip is fat free - so that can't be the problem! (I have to laugh out loud as I type this because it cracks me up that I really do find reasons to deduct weight when I weigh myself in the morning - there's always several things that I am sure are the problem that I will deduct pounds for. How much can underwear weigh????)

In all seriousness, though, or a little seriousness, I guess, I was thinking this morning in the shower about how much that stupid scale can dictate how I feel about myself on any given day. I can get up, look forward to my day, have a positive attitude and good interaction with my family, and then jump on the scale (in hopes that those few pounds I'm tired of seeing are gone), and boom, there goes my happy outlook on life. I am then in a funk, frustrated with myself, analyzing whatever I can remember eating, and then beating myself up all day about it. So silly, yet so true.

So, this morning, after the water weight increased with my morning weigh, and I ran out of things to deduct for, I decided that I am going to put my scale in a place that is so inconvenient to get to, that I wouldn't make the effort. It's just ridiculous for that object made of plastic and metal to have that much power over my mood and my feelings about myself. I had this sweet older lady last week tell me that she weighs every morning... "because if it's good, you can have fun, and if it's not good, you can't have any fun", she said. As cute as she was telling me about it, I certainly don't want to spend the next 50 years of my life letting that object tell me what kind of day I am going to have!

So, I am going to continue eating healthy most of the time, continue exercising most of the time, and enjoy my life! I have decided that a monthly weigh-in is just right - that's only 12 days a year with the potential to be distressing - and a lot less mental calculation to make sure I deduct the right amount of water weight, etc.! Way better than 365 days of having to do all of that! And only once a month that Randy has to drag the ladder out to get to the scale! He'll be so happy.

Fluoride in the Potty

This past weekend, Brennan ventured into yet another interesting adventure of sorts. If you know my two boys, you know they're as different as can be. One is just like me, one is just like Randy. Brennan is our little wild man (you can guess which one he's like). He does things that Caleb has never even considered, usually leading to bizarre results. This weekend was one of those times.

Friday night Randy tried to convince both boys that Saturday was a school day. No matter how many mornings of the week we have to drag them out of bed to get to school on time, Saturday seems to send their bodies into a totally different dimension - and they pop out of bed with no help at all as the sun is rising. See Randy's blog for more info... So, this weekend, Randy thought if we could convince them that Saturday was a school day, surely they would sleep late. And we could sleep. Well, you have to take into account that Brennan is sick for the 4th time in 2008, so he woke up repeatedly through the night (which Randy missed due to his ability to sleep through anything.) So, 6:15am rolls around, and Brennan is awake, coughing his little head off. 7:00am rolls around and Caleb is awake, knowing it's not a school day, and raring to go!

Well, for some unknown reason, I got back in the bed, thinking they were busy reading in Caleb's room. I never go back to sleep when they're awake, but thought this morning I would just "rest my eyes" for a moment, as my mother always says. In my half awake-half asleep state, they sounded so sweet jibber-jabbering together. Every now and then Caleb would come ask me a random question, which I would sleepily answer "not now - when I get up" to, not sure what any of the questions really were.

All of a sudden, I awoke from my deep slumber, and realized I no longer heard the sweet sound of voices coming from Caleb's room, but I heard lots of banging around in the boys' bathroom. Hmmm... never a good sign. Then I realized Caleb was no longer upstairs. Another bad sign. So, I spring from the bed as if there is a fire to put out (because I know realistically there might be), and jolt to the bathroom. There stands little Brennan, on his stool, with the part of the miniature training potty that holds the peepee/poopoo stuff on the countertop, a bottle of kids' fluoride, and a big grin on his face. The potty is flowing with fluoride, and he's as happy as he can be with his little experiment.

I go into panic mode... because fluoride can be toxic in small children. So, Brennan (2 1/2 years old) and I enter into this conversation.

"Brennan, did you drink any of the fluoride?"

"No."

"Brennan, mommy really needs to know, did you drink any of the fluoride?"

"Yes."

More panic mode. Which do I believe? The No or the Yes???

Then he proceeds to show me how he's been using his hands to play in the fluoride in the little peepee container - with great joy I might add!

So, I run to the bedroom, showing Randy the fluoride bottle and asking him as he comes out of his coma-like state, "Do you know how much fluoride was in this bottle last night?!?!?!?!

He's not sure, but he doesn't think that it was much more than what is in there now.

I continue to get a mix of answers from Brennan as to what he's been doing with the fluoride other than dipping his hands in it, so I finally quit asking!!!

Fortunately, poison control was not needed, and Brennan is fine. The potty will not have any cavities any time soon, and Brennan's fingers are cavitiy-free as well. The fluoride bottle has a new home, far out of anyone's reach. We'll probably forget to use it now, and all of the boys' teeth will rot out! Oh, the dilemma...

In spite of my immediate "panic", I have to laugh about it now. Brennan doesn't see any dangers, just pleasure. He's not afraid of toxic fluoride poisoning, he's just enjoying putting some random things together and seeing what happens. No fear. I'm envious of Brennan's lack of fear. My life is often so driven by fear... but his isn't. While I want him to be cautious (and go overboard all of the time on that), I don't want his life to be plagued with fear. Life is about enjoying all that God has given us, not cowering in a corner because everything in front of us is unknown and scary.

So, today, I'm thinking about pouring some fluoride in the potty and playing for a little while. Maybe it will whiten my fingernails, and people will think I just got a french manicure or something! But, I'm not going to live in fear today! God pours his blessings out on me too much to cower in the corner...

...perfect love casts out fear... 1 John 4:18

You have His perfect love today... so go flush your fear down the potty...that's what I'm going to do!